Testimony Project - Italy. 
Name: Gillian Mahoney.
Location: Tuscany, Italy.
Age: 60.
Diagnosis: bipolar disorder.
Time of diagnosis: finally imparted to me 2002, various diagnoses since about age 14.
My Story:
My parents divorced when I was aged about two and half. Mother forbade the return of father to see me. Mother became ill and was hospitalised; the aunt I was living with said mother had died, and she would be my mother instead. Having accepted that, mother returned after physical recovery a couple of years later! Mother had depression and was withdrawn over many years; she blamed me for most of what happened. I became carer for her in a sense. When aged about eight, mother took on a man friend. He hated me and influenced her to think I was bad. Grandmother died. I was mentally abused thereafter.
"I am constantly at risk of bad breakdowns, extremely prone to anxiety and panic attacks. Also prone to mixed attacks which threaten my sanity and my life."
I became professional artist after having worked in office. Then I went into long-term treatment in day hospital. Bipolar disorder has ruined my life by causing me to be inconsistent and erratic in all I do. I am constantly at risk of bad breakdowns, extremely prone to anxiety and panic attacks. Also prone to mixed attacks which threaten my sanity and my life. Therapy seemed to stabilise me for some years and if circumstances had not changed to be very bad I might not have had to seek out therapy again. But finally medication has stopped the mixed attacks and panics to some extent, but the depression is still there frequently if not always to varying degrees.
Italy - a local perspective of bipolar disorder:
Since we have emigrated to Italy I have only been able to get medication and one consultation a month. However this is not the fault of the services but a fault of the permission to stay here. Generally both the GP and the psychiatrist are very kind and sympathetic, hardly any wonder as bipolar disorder is the most common illness amongst Italians. I hear that there are very good caring and treatment facilities here which I have as yet been unable to make use of.
I have my medication changed if I am dissatisfied with the effects or quantity of what I take, and there is no resistance to my taking things that are often not approved in England.
The public are used to the mentally ill and subnormal people being integrated into society and do not in anyway regard them as anything unusual or to be scorned. There is no social stigma at all which I have witness or heard of. Old fashioned parents might arise ( I can't think where) who still believe in possession but generally the Italians are not very actively catholic and have no interest in anything like that.In my circumstances here in Italy I have survived by virtue of support groups on the internet. Making friends with other suffers is much more helpful than people who care but have no personal experience of the disorder, or who are trained to understand it.
What I wish I had known earlier:
"I would have greatly appreciated having known I had bipolar disorder early on. The minute I heard I was, everything fitted into place."
I would like to say to other sufferers, that in my estimation I have not yet known a sufferer who has not had rejecting or overly demanding parenting, or even physically and generally mentally abusive background. It seems though bipolar people are the most traumatised of all mental patients, and have either disconnected from their pasts or deny what has happened at intervals then another time imparting details. Denial is a prevalent way of dealing with it.
I think the message to other sufferers it to try and find out the truth behind what made them ‘them’ and meanwhile to take medication regularly if they have severe mood swings or are prone to suicidal feelings or attempts. I also think that psychotherapy is absolutely crucial in helping people to cope with bipolar disorder and to improvement.
